Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
