I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
