I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
