It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
