You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
