I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
