My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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