I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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