I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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