Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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