I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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