I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize