Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
