he wants to bone in the snuggie
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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