she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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