dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize