what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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