My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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