So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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