I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
