I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
