He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Two words: blizzard sex
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
