Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
As shirtless as possible
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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