I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
