i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
