Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
