I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize