Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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