So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
