turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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