Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
