I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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