but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So much rum. So many feels.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
