Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
