An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
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