my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I would fuck him just for his dog
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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