she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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