i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
they're like a gay fantastic four
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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