So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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