Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
