dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
