Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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