I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Drake has all the answers
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
