Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
