why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
