After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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