smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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