I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
