I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
