My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
