we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
