I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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