she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
