At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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