What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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