My liver just broke up with me...
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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