I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
