It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
