I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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