Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
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