the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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