I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
