Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
