Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
