i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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