apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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