So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
