Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize